


quiet times

by hannahsviolets



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: M/M, otp okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-11 11:05:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3325202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahsviolets/pseuds/hannahsviolets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>two times jude and connor hold hands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	quiet times

It's awkward after they kiss for the first time. Neither of them really expected it to happen, not really. It wasn't like they'd asked the other "Can I kiss you?" first or anything. They'd spent about a full minute staring at each other after they'd been laughing about some random thing. And then it had just happened. Not like they both hadn't thought about it before or anything, because they had. But neither ever thought the other thought the same way.

They can't remember how long the kiss lasted for. Jude had stopped keeping count of the seconds after forty. As great as the kiss was, when it's over, they don't know what they're supposed to do or say to the other. Maybe "Do you like me?" or "That was nice." It's the first real kiss for the both of them (their kisses with Chelsea and Maddie don't count) so they don't know how it works. Jude has always liked talking about his feelings, so he considers what he wants to say for a minute, but before he can say anything, Connor says "I think I'm going to go to sleep. I'm really tired." He doesn't wait for Jude to answer, he climbs into his sleeping bag and although Jude can tell that his eyes aren't closed, he doesn't say anything.

Jude thinks he should probably do the same. Obviously Connor doesn't want to talk, so why should be? He crawls into his sleeping bag that lies right next to Connor's and places his head on his too soft pillow, trying to think about everything that had just happened and how he feels about his best friend. 

He's not lying there for a minute when he feels Connor's hand feeling around for his. He's confused but he doesn't want to say anything that mind sound mean. Connor's hand finally feels Jude's and he then intertwines their hands together. Jude can feel his heart beating fast, but still he says nothing. Connor doesn't say anything either. He's worried that Jude is just being passive by not pushing his hand away and that he doesn't like him the same way Connor thinks he might like him. But still, he's smiling into his sleeping bag, hoping that Jude is doing the same. (He is, but his smile isn't as big as Connor's. He's scared. Is this a joke? He doesn't think Connor would do that to him, but he didn't think half the people who had hurt him would've hurt him.)

* * *

 

They haven't spoken in weeks except for when they have to do assignments. The first time Connor says anything non-school related to Jude is when he asks if they can switch lab partners. Jude finds out from his new lab partner, a sweet girl named Taylor, that Connor asked this so he could be with his new girlfriend, Daria. He wants to throw up. He thinks actual vomit might come out of his mouth right then. Especially by how Taylor calls Daria Connor's 'boo.' He thinks about the time they'd kissed in the tent months ago. Then he pictures himself with Connor now, laughing and flirting. It's stupid, it's so stupid. Connor had obviously just been confused when he kissed Jude. Or when Jude kissed him and he kissed back. He can't really remember. 

It gets worse when Daria asks Jude if he and Taylor want to go to the movies with herself and Connor. He wants to say no, but he also wants to say yes. Connor wants for him to say yes. He's missed Jude so much, but hadn't known how to tell him. He'd never been too good with words. Jude tells him that he'll say he can't go if that's what he wants, and Connor has to force himself not to yell that he wants him to go. But when he manages to tell him that he wants to in a semi low key way, they're talking again almost like they're still best friends. It's nice. He doesn't feel this way with anyone except Jude. He wishes he could feel it with Daria, but he doesn't. She's hot sure, and he should like her in the way that he likes Jude but he just can't. He knows he's kind of being a dick by leading her on but he needs to feel sort of normal going out with a girl.

At the movies, Jude sits down next to Connor. Connor overhears Taylor whisper that he and Daria might start making out and he kind of hopes that won't happen, even though he's pretty sure Daria wants it to. He shouldn't have come here, he wants to leave. The only thing stopping him is that Jude came here just for him, he doesn't have to say that, Connor knows it's true. They all sit in silence during the movie. Everyone else seems totally engrossed in the film, but Connor lost interest five minutes long. All he can think about is that Jude is sitting next to him and that he missed him so much and that he smells like bad cologne. On anyone else, the ladder would've been a bad thing, but he can't help but smile thinking about Jude putting it on before their group date. 

He thinks about holding Jude's hand in the tent all night and waking up the next morning, his palm sweaty. It was a nice feeling, maybe an even better feeling than kissing Jude (if that was possible). He wants to hold his hand again. Right now might be his only chance because there's no way he can tell Jude that he wants to be friends again after he called him a bitch. He also wants to apologize for that, but he doesn't know how. They can't hold hands. Daria's sitting right next to him. Maybe they can just like . . . touch hands? Sort of? He hopes Jude doesn't reject him.

So Connor gently puts his arm on the arm rest next to Jude's so that they're touching. He can practically hear Jude's breath hitch in his throat and he hopes that that's a good thing. He's so nervous right now, so scared. Of everything. But when he moves his pinky closer to Jude's and their pinkies brush together a few times more than what could seem like just an accident, everything is suddenly okay. He's not so scared anymore. Connor links Jude's pinky in his so that they're sort of kind of holding hands. He smiles for a second but hides it quickly so that Daria won't notice. He doesn't chance looking over at Jude, but he doesn't push him away so that's a good sign.

They stay like that until the movie's over. Despite the hand cramps. 


End file.
